notjustaface | Totally Not A Date. Date.

Totally Not A Date. Date.

Things have been good, work has been good. On the whole, it's business as usual. Maybe a few more nights in, passing up a pretty girl he could have had without thinking from time to time, but after a few solid months he's back to his old self.

Back to his game. Back to good friends and one night stands with the occasional brush with death just to keep things fresh. Back to boxes tucked away neatly with minimal shaking in the back of his mind because he doesn't have to think about it.

Base housing is comfortable living for the moment, a small house split two ways with a room across the hall from his best friend that doesn't put too much of dent in his stipend. And, it's bro-night. Dinner that may or may not kill him, a movie complete with Murdock's hand-puppet commentary and a few beers. Maybe other things, if it's a good night.

He's fresh from the shower in nothing but a pair of loose shorts when he follows the familiar tang of scorched meat in the air from the tiny back patio. "You cookin', Murdock?"

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"Is that a subtle request to return to my Shirtless Saturday celebration?" He teases right back, all too aware of the brush of fingers on his abs.

"Let's just say I wouldn't kick you off the couch."

He's pretty sure it'd take something pretty horrible for that to happen.

Never one to avoid the potential of some benefits of the sexual variety, he shifts forward and peels the shirt off before settled back where he was - maybe holding him a little closer than before.

"Oh! I ran into Sam and Lonnie at the BX yesterday," he's not sure why the couple crosses his mind, but it seems like as good a time as any. "They want to know if we want a standing date for bowling Sunday nights."

"Hmm. Might be fun."

He almost laughs at how domestic they're being as he wraps himself around his friend.

"Shh, it's just getting to the good part."

Because this is totally what best friends do, right?

His fingers curl at the nape of Murdock's neck, catching curls that are no way regulation length and subconsciously stroking them.

Well, if it's his favorite part it's at least worth a little attention.

It's what they do. At some point they'll figure things out.

He sighs happily, resting his head on Face's chest as they watch Inigo duel with the man in black. It's still just as cool as it was when he was a kid.

Without even realizing it, he lets his chin rest against the top of Murdock's head. It's not until his hand slides down behind him to loop around his waist that he realizes just what he's doing.

It's not a date... we're not dating.

Which is exactly the moment Murdock looks him in the eyes...

...and the sock puppet "kisses" his cheek.

The eyes catch him and for a second everything makes perfect sense. They're not crazy eyes right now, they're soft and tender and looking at him with that same depth their hero had looking at his lady.

Fuck.

And then the tension in him breaks with the press of fingers in sock against his cheek.

"Aww, Lester... I never knew you cared."

"He's a little shy."

This feels like a significant moment. With sock puppetry.

Double meaning caught, digested and kind of freaking him out a little.

At least it's easy to let down a sock puppet.

"It's okay to be shy, Lester... Some things just can't be said."

Shouldn't be said. Would be even more painfully awkward if said.

"Some things don't need to be."

He sighs, turning his attention back to the movie.

And if that's not the truth, he doesn't know what is. It makes his pulse rise and palms feel a little clammy and he has to fight himself not to flee.

Murdock doesn't deserve that, it's not his fault Face isn't the guy he needs or deserves.

After a long moment, he presses a kiss to the top of his head and says softly; "You're right."

He whispers something that sounds a lot like "Love you anyway."

Awkward conversation is awkward.

He knows he should just let it be, but what good would it do to just leave things as they were.

"What was that?" He asks calmly, without inflection one way or another.

And because the night's already irretrievably awkward, he might as well repeat it.

"I love you anyway."

It's not contingent on him sorting out his own feelings, or being able to say it back... it just is.

He was afraid it was something like that. Really, he'd been kind of afraid of that for a long time. Probably longer than he can deal with.

He lifted his eyes back to the television, forcing back the increasing sensation to bolt. That word... it always caused trouble.

Eventually, he managed to swallow the lump in his throat and say; "I know you do." The inflection is soft, not upset but clearly off kilter for him.

"I know that too."

It's good enough for now. It really is. It's been said and neither of them died of Feelings. He turns his attention back to the TV, but doesn't shy away from the embrace they've found themselves in.

"Let's just watch the movie."

He should leave it that, it'd be easier that way. Of course, it wouldn't solve anything and part of him just has to know.

Face's arm shifts against Murdock's belly, holding him just the slightest bit tighter. "This was supposed to be a date, wasn't it?" He asks in that same voice that somehow manages to sound collected when he knows he should be panicking.

Of course, NOW he wants to talk about it.

"Kind of?" he admits.

"I'm not tryin' to freak you out or anything, I just.. wanted to do something nice."

There are worse times to talk about it.

His free hand curls on the arm of the sofa, squeezing it tight as he lets the information settle and seep in.

"It's nice," he nods slowly, brushing another kiss in his hair.

"... You're freaking out anyway, aren't you?"

He can totally tell.

He could really use a drink for this conversation, and playing it out over the movie's sweeping love theme isn't exactly helping.

"No... no, not really." He shakes his head with an almost embarrassed half-chuckle. It's a lie, and not a really good one, but there's no easy way to say that he can't cope with the blindingly obvious.

Yeah... that's kinda uncomfortable.

"It's okay, y'know? I get it. But I can't change this."

Nor does he want to, really. They are how they are, and any pushing on his part would only make things worse.

Part of him wants to be able to be that guy, for it to be easy to just let it be whatever the hell it is... but it's not easy. It's unsettling and something he's not really able to deal with at all.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, closing his eyes. "I... I wish I could."

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