New Year's Resolution

[notjustaface]

They spent Christmas in Kuwait, back home for New Years. But it wasn't much of a party, a bunch of Rangers with nowhere better to be fired up on whatever booze showed up to the officer's lounge.

The next morning, in the sober light of day, he saw things a little differently than he feels like he did the year before. The blonde he'd went to bed with was gone, but it hadn't taken long for Murdock to show up with some hangover-eggs and a slightly-slutty bloody mary to wash away his indiscretions - and make new ones.

They were closer than ever, and as tight as it felt it was getting easy to see that whatever was happening between them - sometimes a couple times a week, sometimes not for a few weeks, but always an unspoken option - wasn't going to end soon. It was also obvious, as he lay behind his friend, one arm wrapped across his chest and the other tucked up under the pillows and filching gummy bears off the nightstand, that he owed it to Murdock to make the lines clear.

"Mmm, red one - all yours." He murmurs against his ear, guiding the bear to his lips.

Comments

[notjustaface]

And there it is again, that easy attachment.

He squeezes Murdock's hand gently, and then subtly slides his palm away until only their fingers remain close.

"I've, uh... I've never really been this close to someone before." It's hard to admit, but it's the truth. There was the team, of course - always the team - but they'd crossed the barrier and were heading straight for things he usually reserved for the women in his life.

Things like holding hands in bed and gifts that didn't immediately precede sex or some kind of ritualistic holiday like birthdays he always forgot.

[notthatcrazy]

The little distancing gestures are not going unnoticed.

"But..."

He wishes he'd just say it already and get it over with so they can deal with whatever it is.

[notjustaface]

The word hangs on a long silence and he knows he's being called out, Murdock might be crazy - but he's not stupid.

"But..." he echoes, "nothing. You're my best friend, okay? And maybe it's a little sappy... but we've got a good thing here, right? No strings, no worrying... just relieving a bit of tension and enjoying ourselves."

Sure, it's roundabout and maybe a bit of the patented Templeton Peck silver tongue... but it feels all right.

[notthatcrazy]

He sighs softly, trying not to sound too disheartened. It's not like he wasn't aware of that aspect of their relationship. And he feels pretty confident that they'll always have the best friend thing going for them, regardless of anything else between them. Most couples don't get that certainty.

So why does it sting so much to hear it spelled out?

"You're not telling me anything new there, Faceman."

[notjustaface]

He nods slightly, licking his lips that still taste of the damnedest things - hot sauce and gummy bears and his best friend.

"I know. I know, just... making sure." He laughs without realizing a bit of nerves have crept up on him.

"Someday, someone is going to be very lucky to have a lunatic head over heels for them."

[notthatcrazy]

He almost has to laugh at the fact that Face has no idea how much he's twisting the proverbial knife in deeper.

"Yeah, maybe someday."

And someday pigs might fly and the Colonel might quit smoking but he's pretty sure they're going to stay friends who happen to have sex sometimes, and Face will continue to be a liar and a scoundrel who still sleeps with every woman who catches his eye. It's not like he didn't know what he was getting into.

"Us getting close... that bothers you."

It's not really a question.

[notjustaface]

And there's the kick in the balls he was waiting for - not that he said it, but that he really thought that.

And that it might be true.

"No," he replies reflexively, toothy grin spreading wide. "God no." It sounds fake even to him, so he's quick to add; "I just don't want you to think that I want things between us to change because this... this is pretty nice."

[notthatcrazy]

"You've been tryin' not to touch me since we started talking about this."

He feels like they're living in a Maury episode. Sharp-shooting Con Men with Intimacy Issues and the Crazy Pilots who Love Them.

[notjustaface]

He's a good liar, but not that good - at least not when someone he cares about is in the mix.

Almost reflexively, he squeezes Murdock's hand again and shifts his hips to push a little closer.

"Buddy..." he sighs. He wants to say 'Don't be like that', but even he knows that'd be pushing it too far. "I'm not. See? I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

[notthatcrazy]

He pulls him closer, wrapping his free arm around his waist.

"Can we just... not overthink this? Please?"

He can deal with this not being anything more than friendship as long as he doesn't keep pulling away like that.

[notjustaface]

"Mmm, you read my mind..." He responds easily enough, relieved to have it out in the open as gently as possible.

"We should do something, you know? Go see a movie or something."

[notthatcrazy]

He does that sometimes.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds fun."

He's reaching for firmer footing, and a movie is safe, familiar ground.

[notjustaface]

It'd be eerie if he didn't know it was the proximity talking - enough years working with someone you learn them inside and out, and they'd taken that to an intimate extreme.

He knows Murdock.

"Good man," he chuckles softly, letting the arm tucked under the pillows stroke through Murdock's hair. "First... I think a shower, and then maybe food that doesn't come with a warning label."

[notthatcrazy]

"There was nothing wrong with that breakfast," he pouts in a mock-offended tone.

He leans back, finding the ticklish spot near Face's hip again. "We're good, right?"

[notjustaface]

Maybe when he jumps it's a little exaggerated - but it's worth it for the press of warm skin against skin and knowing that yeah, things are good.

"It was good, I'm still checking for partial blindness, but it was good." He chuckles nuzzling against his cheek before brushing a subtle kiss in his hair that just feels right.

"Yeah, man. Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

[notthatcrazy]

"Nah, if you're looking for blindness, you should try the hash browns."

He leans into the kiss, not wanting to move.

"Just making sure."

[notjustaface]

"I'm sure," he says, but it feels more for his benefit than Murdock's.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."