Day 3: I Love It When A Wedding (and a plan) Comes Together

[notjustaface]

There was no doubt about it, Mel/Mia was definitely in on the gig, between the gun and fake documents stored in her cabin and a key to what could only be a storage locker they had more than enough evidence to take her down hard.

Problem was, she didn't strike either of them as the leader of the operation - she was sweet, pretty, just the sort of con Face was the master of. Which usually meant there was a boss pulling the strings. With less than twenty-four hours before dock, it was hard to focus on getting ready for the wedding when he was going over every face on the boat they'd met in the last two days. Between the two of them, they'd practically been social butterflies - making best friends of most of the boat.

They're taking in some last minute time by the pool pretending to go over their vows only a couple hours before the altar, going over the plan if they can only nab half the pair.

"We'll flush her out," Face shakes his head, pushing up off his towel and stretching enough to make his small speedo even more scandalous. "Have Hannibal and BA grab Mia and then make a run for the hold - assuming the guns are in the hold."

Which is a big assumption.

Comments

[notthatcrazy]

He sighs again. This isn't getting them anywhere.

I know nothing happened. I'm not mad about any of this." He snuggles closer to him, wishing it was easier to make himself understood. "I'm only pushing 'cause you seem mad at yourself."

He loves and trusts this man with all his heart, and it kind of hurts to know that he feels unworthy of that trust.

[notjustaface]

In his mind, there's no feeling about it - he is unworthy of trust. Anyone's.

He shifts back against the chair slightly, just enough to feel Murdock's weight settle on him even deeper. There's no fight to be had there and he knows it, it's just not something he could even begin to explain.

"I'm not mad at myself. I'm happy. We had a job, we did the job - and we got to have a lot of fun along the way. For once something the boss said would be easy actually was."

[notthatcrazy]

He shakes his head, pressing another frosting-smeared kiss to his lips.

"You almost cried," he points out after a moment. "During sex. Like, three times."

It's not that he minds - rather the opposite, in fact - but something's dragging those feelings to the surface and he hates that they can't talk about it.

[notjustaface]

It was pretty emotional for him and he can honestly say it's not something that's ever happened before.

"I wasn't crying." He replies quietly, "Sweat got in my eyes."

[notthatcrazy]

He gives him a look that clearly says 'You really expect me to believe that?' It's been an emotional rollercoaster-y day for them both.

"Babe... you've spent so long hidin' your feelings where they can't hurt you, but after a while that doesn't do anyone any good."

He manages a small smile.

"Trust me, I've been through enough therapy to know what I'm talkin' about."

[notjustaface]

For a moment he's still, taking what's been said with honest consideration. Then, after a drawn out moment he answers; "I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy enough for your couch, Doctor Murdock."

He sighs; "Just drop it, okay? I got a little emotional. I'll try not to let it happen again."

[notthatcrazy]

He stiffens and his eyes go dark, the way they do when anyone uses his craziness against him. He doesn't think he meant to do that, really, but he knows just how to push him to get him to back off.

Too bad he knows how to push him back.

"That might be a matter of opinion."

[notjustaface]

He's more than aware he's hit a nerve, and he happens to be ready to smooth it over.

"Come on, sweetheart," he smiles tenderly, brushing a kiss against Murdock's cheek. "You realize I could be doing things to you that're illegal in most countries?"

[notthatcrazy]

There he goes with the sex distraction again. Sorry, Face, he knows you too well.

"Oh, we're still gonna do that."

He wraps his arms around his shoulders, effectively pinning him to the chair with gentle pressure.

"Just not yet."

[notjustaface]

Hey, when it works... it works really well. And the fact that it doesn't in this instance is more than a little frustrating.

After another slight sigh, he asks almost curtly; "What do you want me to say? There's nothing going that you can do anything to change."

[notthatcrazy]

They're just pushing each other's buttons left and right.


"It's not about changing," he sighs. The frustration's becoming evident in his voice. "I just wish you'd talk to me."

... so it kind of is about changing, in a way.

[notjustaface]

He can't even look at him, so it's the stupid too-white too-rainbow too-everything cake that he finds himself staring at when he mutters; "Fine. You want to talk, you want to know what 'heartbreaker' means?"

His voice catches slightly, but he's already opened his big mouth, he may as well play it through. "It means that sooner or later, a guy like me always breaks your heart. It's not a matter of if I will or not - but how long until I do and how much shit I bring down with it."

[notthatcrazy]

He reaches up to gently tilt his face towards him.

"I'm not totally naive, you know. You told me that much when we were startin' out."

He leans in, resting against him.

"And when I promised to stay with you, I didn't just promise to accept the good parts. I'm not gonna let you push me away, no matter what."

He reaches out to set the cake plate aside.

"Doesn't mean I won't get pissed off at you if and when you screw up, but it's not gonna break anything for good."

[notjustaface]

Sometimes, he thinks it'd be easier if he could just push Murdock away. That life would be a whole lot simpler if they hadn't ended up wound so tightly around each other that they couldn't think straight half the time. It's only gonna end badly in his mind.

"He asked if I wanted to fuck." He says, somewhat brashly, managing somehow to look him in the eyes. "The guy at the pool was pretty much ready to go then and there if I said the word."

[notthatcrazy]

"But you didn't."

He holds his gaze, almost defiantly.

"You thought about it, sure, but you didn't let it go anywhere."

[notjustaface]

"I could have." He replies with that same calm frustration.

"It would have been easy, you know. Tell him to meet me in his room in ten minutes - you wouldn't have suspected a thing."

He frowns deeply, a thick lump choking him. "And it kills me that I know that and that even if I had been caught I could have justified it."

[notthatcrazy]

He's quiet for a long moment before pulling him in closer.

"But you didn't," he repeats.

Old habits die hard, and this is progress as far as he's concerned.

[notjustaface]

To say the least they die hard, for him he's convinced some reflexes will never die at all.

For a moment he's still stiff underneath his partner, but slowly Murdock's embrace melts him - makes it hard to stay upset at himself or ever frustrated that Murdock pushed him into talking about it at all. He won't say that part of him wanted to, or at least was curious what it would be like. Nobody needs to know that much.

"This time." He whispers; "But you and I both know I can't promise I never will. I can promise you a million things, I meant what I said today, but part of me... I don't know. I won't make a promise I can't keep. I won't lie to you."

[notthatcrazy]

"I know..."

He kisses him softly, still tasting the sweetness.

"But I meant what I said, too. I'm in this for the long haul, even when it hurts."

[notjustaface]

"Yeah, well... maybe you think it's fine to let yourself get hurt like that - but I think it's gonna end badly."

He looks away again, eyes tracking toward the messed bed and then back to the neutral safety of the floor.

"How many times do I have to take one for the team before it's too much? Where's the line? Is it when I sleep with someone because it's the easiest road from point A to point B? Is it when the payoff isn't good enough?"

He licks his lips, trying not to let his own frustration head again, but it's pushing hard at his guts. "If that guy had something I needed, hell maybe even something I wanted, we both know what I would have done."

[notthatcrazy]

"So...what? You think I should leave because you're so sure you're gonna fuck everything up?"

He shakes his head fiercely, eyes stinging at the thought of it.

"Pretty sure that'd make me the asshole."

[notjustaface]

When he looks up, he knows his eyes are read again - frustrated, sad, knowing that things are probably never going to be good for them. They're always going to be on the run, they're always gonna scrape by, and in the end it'll always be his fault they're unhappy.

"I've already done it once, only a matter of time." He bites his lip, forcing himself to consider Murdock's suggestion before answering; "You'd be the victim. That's why boss doesn't like us together - we all know what my role is here. I'm the guy that does the dirty work that nobody else could get away with. I've got more blood on my hands and more broken hearts under my belt that you even know about."

Letting the frustration come, he sighs; "Damn it, Murdock... you're practically innocent."

[notthatcrazy]

"I'm also a grown man who's capable of making his own damn decisions," he snaps. "Just 'cause I act like a kid sometimes doesn't mean I don't know what's going on."

[notjustaface]

"And I never said you don't. What I mean is that you don't know what I'm capable of. Hell, half the time I don't know until I'm in it."

When he sighs again, the frustration is muted. He doesn't want to fight, not when things are going well. That's why he didn't want to talk about it at all. It's easier just to let sleeping dogs lie.

"All I mean is that I love you, and that much is real... I can't even pretend that I don't." And in a way that in itself is painful for him, it's an emotion he can't turn off and it scares the fuck out of him every time he realizes it. "And we've already made it pretty clear that you're gonna settle for a guy that'll break your heart and I just don't know what I did to deserve someone who has as much faith in me as you do."

[notthatcrazy]

Those sleeping dogs have a tendency to wake up and bite, though.

"I can't explain it. I just know somethin' tells me you're worth it, even if I do get hurt."