Memories Best Left Behind

[notjustaface]

It's been five days since he was captured, and it feels like a lifetime of moving fast and then standing still always has. He doesn't feel any different, doesn't feel like a fugitive... doesn't feel a lot of things. The pain though, that makes it all a little more real to him.

Murdock's trying, he knows, and he plays along with everything with no doubt in his mind that it's all true... but there's nothing even tickling around his brain to confirm much of any of the big things. The plates. Prison. Countless missions on the run. Love. But he's always been good at playing along, putting on a face that everything is going to be fine and it all feels totally normal.

Physically, he's getting around. The smaller wounds have gone to annoying scabs, and the bigger ones are mostly left to cling to his t-shirt and occasionally open up when he pushes himself to hard. The worst is his ribs, but still he forces himself to get up and try to do what he can around the shack while they wait for the Colonel's plan to fall into place. He wants a week... a week of just waiting in the middle of nowhere. A week where it's all he can do to try and feel normal.

It's led him to now, in the middle of the night, watching Murdock sleep under then sheen of unfiltered moonlight through the dusty window and wondering just where things changed between them. What must have happened in prison to make the things he remembers pushing back come bubbling back up like a geyser. There's always been something - hell, as long as he's known the guy they've had something totally different than anything else in his life. It makes sense. He just doesn't know how.

"I miss this..." he whispers, reaching out to his sleeping partner and gently rubbing his fingers over the hairy belly exposed in his tossing to get comfortable - letting his fingers dance close to the waistband of his boxers; "I think. Damn it, I should. I would."

Comments

[notthatcrazy]

He unconsciously moves toward the touch, opening his eyes slowly. He doesn't really want to wake up.

"You okay, babe?"

[notjustaface]

"Perfect," he answers quietly, lowering his eyes at the knowledge he was heard but probably not understood. His fingers linger along the worn cotton - catching a frayed bit of elastic that would have driven him crazy if they were his.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

[notthatcrazy]

There's a lot about Murdock that's a little frayed around the edges. He kind of likes it that way.

"You too."

He wraps he arms around his partner's shoulders, nuzzling closer to him. He's had to learn the exact locations of the worst of his injuries as he'd tried to get him to keep them clean and bandaged. He was always so stubborn about wanting to get back into action before he should.

[notjustaface]

It's one of his better character flaws, really. At least in his mind.

Casually, Face lets his hand take it's natural course with the easy shift - sliding down over the waistband to gently tease at the slit in his shorts, still a bit uncertain about if he can commit to it or not. He wants to, but at the same time he can't help asking himself why... if it's because it's easy and he needs the comfort? Or because it might help him remember? Something else entirely?

"Glad you're stuck with me then."

[notthatcrazy]

"'M glad too."

He catches the hesitation through his sleep-fogged haze.

"You sure?"

[notjustaface]

It's hard to tell what he means by that question, but Face's answer remains the same regardless; "Always sure..."

His voice drops off to a soft murmur against Murdock's temple; "You know that..."

Curling his fingers, purposefully taking his time now that he's been noticed, he lets just the tips simply slide against the open slit without yet pushing inside.

[notthatcrazy]

"Just want to make sure you're ready."

There's still a sleepy lilt to his voice as he moves toward him.

[notjustaface]

"Always ready to... man the joystick;" he laughs, his lips finding warm skin to taste as his fingers wrap fully around his cock to feel it push back against his palm.

"I need this." It's a far more serious tone than before, and utter truth. "So... so much."

[notthatcrazy]

"It's not gonna fix it..."

Hell, for all he knows, it might. All he knows is that they both want it, his own desire pretty clearly obvious.

"Love you."

[notjustaface]

Maybe it will, maybe it won't - but it will make him feel a little more like himself.

"You too..." He murmurs, allowing himself to take his time - forcing himself to move slowly for his body's sake.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" He honestly doesn't know, in his mind it's been... well, maybe a year or more.

[notthatcrazy]

"Yeah... kinda."

He knows it hasn't been as long for him as it has been for Face, subjectively speaking, but it still gives him a moment's pause.

"It's okay... we can ease into it."

They're kinda gonna have to ease into it. Energetic sex and sore, healing bones aren't the best combination.

[notjustaface]

There's a lot of easing now, into everything. Into finding himself again.

"It's good..." his thumb strays upward over the head of his cock, flushing with the arousal of something familiar... something he needs. "I can do easing in."

In any other moment he would have cracked a horrible joke, but he means it for what it is - he can do this.

[notthatcrazy]

He gasps sharply, trying to get even closer.

"I know, babe... don't have to do anything that doesn't feel good."

[notjustaface]

It's easy to smile and kiss his warm skin again, turning his head to inhale that familiar scent of sweat and everything that's just HIM.

"You feel perfect," he murmurs, squeezing his fingers even tighter, dying to drag him closer - to just be surrounded by him.

[notthatcrazy]

"Mmmm. So do you."

He runs a hand down his back, catching the edge of one of his bandages.

"How's the ribs?"

.... Yes, even in the middle of sexytimes he's fussing over him.

[notjustaface]

And that touch is like the best fire - the tingle of whatever it is that they manage between them that makes him groan in far more than arousal.

"Fine... good... god..." he groans, closing his eyes against the sensation. "I need this."

[notthatcrazy]

"Good..."

He lets his hands wander further, catching in the short curls at the nape of his partner's neck.

"Want you so much, but I don't ever wanna hurt you."

[notjustaface]

Face draws in a sharp breath, but it's clearly not pain. Whispering, he manages to mutter; "You won't..."

He believes it too, not just physically - he can see the love on Murdock's face every time he looks at him, that glassy worried look that maybe things won't ever be the same again with that certainty that they'll make new memories.

Letting out a soft sigh of pleasure with the mere contact, he licks his lips and whispers; "Marry me... when this is over... if I don't remember..."

He really can't help it that most of the most important emotional thoughts come when he's kind of... occupied with other things.

[notthatcrazy]

That's the way it's always been. Murdock's just glad that he's the one he opens up to.

"I will. You're the most important person in my world, you know that?"

He takes Face's hand and clasps it over his chest, letting him feel the hint of metal still lying there.

[notjustaface]

A broad smile stretches his cracked lips and he can't help but giggle; "That's gotta be one of the top ten romantic things I've said with your dick in my hand..."

He really can't help himself. Pretty much ever.

One hand reflexively clenches the warm rings - rings he should remember but can't - and the other strokes him slowly base to tip.

"I love you." They're the hardest words to say, words coming without everything he's been told they've been through in the last several years - words that run deep. "I have for a long time."

[notthatcrazy]

He lets the warmth flow over him, giggling right along with him.

"I dunno... you've been known to get pretty sentimental with your hands down my pants."

And vice versa.

"Love you too. Always will."

[notjustaface]

"If I could lean over right now, I'd kiss that smirk off your face..." he whispers, twisting his wrist, letting instinct win over thought.

"Just... you know... in case you maybe had any thoughts about taking the chance to ravish me or something."

[notthatcrazy]

"Allow me."

He leans over him to cup his cheek and moves in for the kiss, carefully wrapping a leg around his as he thrusts into his hand.

"That answer that question?"

... Didn't make the smirk go away, though.

[notjustaface]

A low groan escapes his lips before he can even return the warm kiss - flattening his hand against Murdock's chest to cup their rings.

"That..." he groans, grinning madly; "that so works..."

Beyond works... totally not fair how well it's working.

"I really shouldn't have worn pants."

[notthatcrazy]

It's a little surprising how easy it is to fall back into this like they never stopped. It's kinda like riding a bicycle.

(Or... riding something else.)

"Mmm, you need some help with those?"