The Concept of Settling Down

[notjustaface]

It's been a long couple years, and it's starting to wear on Face - it's starting to wear on all of them, he thinks. And no matter how hard the boss pushes it feels like they're never going to get close to the ultimate goal... to clearing their names and being anything but men on the run.

The natural instinct, the instinct of a con-man, is to find a place and dig in. Start over. New identities, new roots. Of course, that's something he can't voice - not even to Murdock. He knows they wouldn't understand why it's the most viable option when as far as they're concerned freedom could possibly be right around the damn corner.

Still, a little settling down doesn't sound like a half bad idea.

They're just over the US-Mexico border heading into Texas on day four of job that only seems to be getting longer. They won't be stopping until Canada, save for maybe a night in a hotel when they're all so tired and angry at each other they can't think straight. It's Hannibal's shift to drive and BA's tucked into the passenger seat beside them, leaving Murdock and Face to fight against the sway and bump of the dark cargo hold with a few pillows and blankets and their limited baggage.

Groping blindly Face finds Murdock's hand and wraps his fingers around it, squeezing gently. "I'll be glad when this is all over."

Comments

[notthatcrazy]

He goes cold at the remark, and if it were anyone other than Hannibal, there'd be more than words being thrown.

"You didn't see me punch him in the face after that shit he pulled."

He shakes his head, frustrated beyond words.

"And you weren't there after that to see how utterly convinced he is that he's a horrible person."

[notjustaface]

And Murdock didn't see the man washed out in a bathtub wearing his own vomit and blubbering about not being able to lie his way out of the problem he'd made for himself. That man wasn't much different than the kid he'd thrown into the side of a tank to stop him from ruining his military career for the Nth time.

"You stood up for yourself once, but you've made it clear you prefer to make excuses for his behavior. We both know the way he's treated you, do you really think he's changed?" His eyes narrow and he puffs idly at his cigar, remembering not too long ago when Face seemed bent on driving the pilot into the ground romancing any woman that came within fifty yards when it was obvious things were more than friendly on the homefront. "I don't want you to forget that in the end, this is all a game to him and he's on his own team."

[notthatcrazy]

"I think we both have. But you can't see it."

He pushes away from the table they've been talking over and crosses his arms.

"I'm done. I'll see you in the morning."

[notjustaface]

It's fair enough, and Hannibal's willing to let him go. He wants to believe Peck has changed - but if anything the way he demanded to break away from the bigger picture just makes it look more like he's about to go off the deep end again. He knows Murdock can't pick up those pieces if he fucks it up again so soon after the last time.

Face isn't always going to have someone to help clean up his messes.

"Captain." He states firmly; raising an eyebrow. "I know you think I'm too hard on him, but it's what he needs to keep a good head on his shoulders. He thinks he can do anything until he's up to his neck in a situation he can't fix. It's my job to make sure he doesn't have enough rope to hang himself with."

[notthatcrazy]

It's a long while before he trusts himself to speak.

"I ain't tellin' you how to do your job. But as hard as you are on him, I'm tellin' you he's harder on himself. And every time you have to kick him back into line, it adds fuel to that fire."

In all fairness, this would probably be true even if he wasn't using physical force to do it.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I really would like to go to bed."

[notjustaface]

"I'm not telling you any this as your commanding officer..." And even if he was, they all know at this point rank is something they follow out of habit - because it's what they've always done and it gives some structure to their life. "...but as someone who cares very much about both of you."

His voice drops to a soft murmur and he stubs out his cigar in the ashtray as he says; "Watch out for him, but watch out for yourself too."

He's said his piece and opens the file once more, making it clear that they both know there's nothing more either of them can add to the discussion. It's late, and they're all ragged and worn down in every possible way. Still, there are things that need to be said.

[notthatcrazy]

He nods to him, acknowledging the remark as he heads back to the sofa and kneels next to his partner.

"Hey baby," he says softly, running a hand through his hair. "You ready to turn in?"

[notjustaface]

Face has been in and out, bits and pieces of what sounded like a heated conversation even over the dull roar of BA's snore from the closest bed caught his attention in between dozing moments. "Hmmm?" He manages his eyes partially open at the gentle touch, licking his dry lips.

"Yeah... a'right... gotta use the john."

He clings to Murdock's elbow as he pushes up on the arm of the small sofa - tugging at his sleeve in what he hopes might be noticed as a sign he should come too. Whatever's going on, it sounded like something he should know about.

[notthatcrazy]

He's a little bemused by the pulling, but he follows along after him.

"You okay?"

[notjustaface]

"Yeah, fine." He replies, rubbing bloodshot eyes as he closes the door behind him.

Leaning back against the sink area, he asks in a hushed voice; "Sounds like you were having some words with the boss?"

[notthatcrazy]

He nods. "Yeah. No big deal."

He doesn't think there was really any point to it, all told. It's not like either of them saw each other's point of view.

[notjustaface]

Pulling him closer until they're chest to chest, Face brushes a tired kiss to his forehead.

"Didn't sound like no big deal. You're upset."

[notthatcrazy]

He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down a bit.

"I'm okay. It's just... complicated."

He's not sure he can bear to tell him the actual gist of the conversation.

"Just... you know I'm always gonna look out for you, right?"

[notjustaface]

"Whether I like it or not," he smiles, his kiss shifting to the corner of Murdock's mouth.

"Just tell me about it, man. Sounded like the old man was telling you about some of my finer exploits... You're not upset over ancient history are you?"

If he's bent out of shape over things he did before they even met, it'll be an interesting month alone together.

[notthatcrazy]

"No, not upset at you at all.. I already knew you were a problem child."

He's trying to keep things light, but the joke feels a bit flat.

"I'm just... frustrated that he can't see you're tryin' to do better, and all he can see is the bad stuff."

He's rambling a bit now, but he knows Face will listen even if he doesn't understand.

[notjustaface]

"Don't worry about him, okay?" He offers a mostly serious raise of eyebrows.

"He just doesn't see things the way we do."

[notthatcrazy]

He sighs, leaning on his partner. Neither of them would come right out and say it, but Hannibal's the only real father figure either of them have ever had, and it hurts to have something so important not be understood.

"He keeps tellin' me to look out for myself. Like I shouldn't trust you."

He's already had his eyes opened on that score, and his faith is something to be earned now rather than freely given, but he won't stop believing.

[notjustaface]

"He's got a point." Face half-shrugs, holding him close. "You need to look out for the man I love."

Arms squeezing tight, he offers up another sleepy kiss and says; "Take me to bed."

[notthatcrazy]

"Well that's one way to look at it."

He knows he's trying to cheer him up, but as much as he appreciates the gesture, he's still a bit lost in his own thoughts. Standing back, he straightens the collar of Face's wrinkled shirt.

"Yeah, let's go. I'm exhausted."

[notjustaface]

"I'm too tired to come on to you..." Face laughs under his breath.

"But for the record that's when I would have."

[notthatcrazy]

And that, of all things, gets him to smile.

"Such a romantic."

He kisses him softly before pulling him to the door.

"Let's get some sleep."

Things'll look better in the morning.

[notjustaface]

"Hopelessly," he murmurs, relishing the gentle embrace despite the ache in his bones and muscles.

"Don't let the boss get to you, man. I've done some pretty horrible shit and he pulled me through."

[notthatcrazy]

"As long as you see how you've changed, I guess I'm okay."

Hannibal's already turned in, having taken up residence on the couch Face had vacated. They've got the second bed to themselves, and he pulls Face along toward it.

[notjustaface]

"I'm trying, right?" He murmurs quietly into his hair - pulling his partner into bed beside him.

He can't do much, but even as worn down as he is he can manage some quality cuddles.

[notthatcrazy]

Cuddles are always welcome.

"I know you're trying."

It's the intent that means the most to him. He knows he'll never be perfect and he'll always be fighting the instincts to con and run, probably not always successfully. But he's working on it, and that's all he can ask for.