Separation, Anxiety

[notjustaface]

It hadn't been a particularly hard mission, at least not by comparison to some of the stunts they've managed in the last ten years, but there was one fatal point where it could fall apart. Face had approximately sixty seconds to make it from tunnel to the next - a journey that shouldn't take more than forty-five seconds - before enemy's defensive explosion went off leaving him not only trapped but pinned down and unable to escape assuming he survived the event.

An unexpected sniper cut thirty seconds off the time he had. He was four seconds too late... just behind enough the blast didn't take him out - but not out. He was trapped behind the line, and utterly fucked.

"Put her in the air, Captain." Hannibal says softly, staring at the plume of dust and debris for any sign that Face had made it through last second. There was none.

Comments

[notjustaface]

Sitting up as best he can, when he opens his eyes again the sight is much clearer and as he answers he reaches out and idly touches the bands with his fingertips before he's once more thankfully horizontal enough his body stops throbbing.

"Colonel said I tried to kill someone. Guess I was pretty whacked to need sedatives."

[notthatcrazy]

"Yeah... you were fightin' pretty hard."

He takes his hand briefly as he reaches out, before moving to undo the rest of the straps. He settles down beside him to rest for the few precious moments they can spare.

"It'll be okay. I'm- we're gonna take care of you."

[notjustaface]

"I'm fine," Face responds quickly, licking his lips as he shakes away the strangeness as just Murdock being Murdock; "didn't even get shot this time."

He manages a weak smile, eyes half-lidded; "You look like shit though."

[notthatcrazy]

He doesn't tell him how close his captors were to putting a bullet in him before they rescued him. Or how he'd screamed at them to end it in his drug-fueled panic afterward.

"I feel like it," he admits. "We came really close to losing you back there."

He's trying not to think about what else he might have lost.

[notjustaface]

His expression fades instantly, but he swallows back the lump in his throat and manages to say; "Another week, another brush with death, right?"

Changing the subject feels a hell of a lot easier than dealing with mortality in his state so he adds; "Thought you weren't allowed to accessorize after the whole friendship bracelet incident."

[notthatcrazy]

He can't help sighing, a low sad sound that's probably going to draw more questions from Face.

"There's a lot we need to talk about... Hannibal's gonna be here soon."

As if on cue, there's a quiet knock at the door.

[notjustaface]

A curious, concerned look crosses his face but they've got bigger fish to fry right now.

"Clock is ticking, boys. Unless you feel the need to deal with a lot of very angry terrorists we need to get moving. BA, help Murdock get him out of here. Murdock, there's a back board over there we can transfer him to - I don't want him moving until we know for sure how bad his ribs are."

"I am awake here," Face groans, "I'm fine... I can walk..."

"You can fall on your ass." BA answers, already pulling his IV.

"He's right, you're in no shape to move right now but staying here puts everyone in danger. Just get some rest, it's long ride."

[notthatcrazy]

It's always easier to distract himself when there's a job to do. He helps get Face transferred to the board, their combined strength moving him easily despite his muttered protests.

"Just hang tight. We got ya."

They move out as quickly as they can, ignoring the looks they're getting as they do so. It's clear they really shouldn't be taking him away from proper medical care so soon, but they don't really have any choice.

They're finally able to get him settled once they make it to the van - BA chose well. He impulsively wraps an arm around Face's relatively uninjured shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to a particular scar near his hairline. If he doesn't remember that much, he can pass it off as Murdock being overly clingy.

"Rest now, baby."

The endearment slips out without his really intending it to. Hopefully Face is still tired enough not to call him on it.

[notjustaface]

Like it or not, he's exhausted. Even in the moderate confusion he's nearly out again when he's slid into the van and braced on his back along the rear.

"M'fine," he mutters, trying his best to smile at Murdock's fussing. "No problem."

[notthatcrazy]

He doesn't answer that right away. He keeps on holding his hand, watching the rise and fall of his breathing as BA gets them on the road. When he does speak again, it's not to Face.

"I don't know how much longer we can do this, boss."

How many more near-death experiences can they possibly have before their luck runs out?

[notjustaface]

Hannibal frowns in the front seat, keeping his eyes on the stretch ahead of them as BA follows his directions toward the middle of nowhere. It takes a long time for him to answer, he knows exactly what Murdock is saying and admittedly he's had the thought himself.

"He's fine," Hannibal answers several minutes later, "traumatic regression is a normal response with what he's been through. It'll come back to him." Rolling his half burned cigar between his fingers, he addd; "I won't let this happen again."

[notthatcrazy]

He feels a brief flash of anger at that. Hannibal had talked to him, he could have warned him about that possibility instead of leaving him there searching for the right thing to say. But he doesn't voice the thought, knowing full well it's irrational - his mind searching for someone to blame.

He'd suspected -or maybe just hoped - that Face's memories were still there, the traumatic experiences only burying them temporarily. It's good to have some kind of reassurance that it's true.

"You got a plan for that?"

[notjustaface]

There are some things that even he can't plan for. He can hope for the best but when it comes down to it there isn't much any of them can do.

"Do you?" He answers dryly, watching the expanse of desert rolling by.

[notthatcrazy]

Touche. He gives him a defiant look, but doesn't feel like starting an argument.

"Don't move, hon," he tells Face, who's starting to shift in his sleep. He leans back to rest a hand on his forehead.

He knows Hannibal does his best to keep them safe, he always has. If he'd ever doubted that the boss truly had their best interests at heart, deep down, they'd have both been gone long ago.

[notjustaface]

"Murdock..." Hannibal starts, trailing off for a moment, choosing his words very carefully; "You're right. We can't live like this forever, but we need to fight now. We're not criminals, we're good men who do good things."

[notthatcrazy]

He's silent for a moment more, watching out the window as they head further and further from anything.

"It's been years," he says quietly. Years of running and dodging. Years with little to no stability. Years of not knowing where they're going to sleep at night, let alone where they'll be going in the morning. He's glad they can help people, that they're doing something meaningful in spite of it all, but when is enough going to be enough? Try as he might, he really can't see how things are going to get any better.

[notjustaface]

"And what's the alternative? Prison? Living an assumed identity and constantly in fear of being discovered?" Hannibal shakes his head, lighting his cigar.

"We're safer flying under the radar - at least this way we know who's looking for us."

[notthatcrazy]

He knows all this. He's said as much to Face himself. But the team has been the only constant in his life for as long as he can remember, and it's hard to face a reality where he could lose one of them, or all of them, at any time. Their previous life was full of risks they'd signed up for knowingly... this was never their choice.

"And those big special ops jobs? You still hoping that'll lead somewhere?"

He has... complicated feelings about Sosa and her current role in their lives, though he doesn't really harbor any ill will towards her anymore. He's mostly just keenly aware that they're a convenience, someone the powers that be can pin all the blame on if shit goes south. They're too valuable to let off the hook easily.

He just can't see a way this is ever going to end.

[notjustaface]

The frown furrows deep lines and Hannibal shakes his head - a rebuke on the tip of his tongue when BA cuts in.

"Can we talk about this later when we've all just gotten sleep without being tortured? No disrespect, Colonel, but we're all just a little tired right now..." his voice drops and he glances up in the rearview to caych Murdock's eyes for a second; "not thinking clearly."

[notthatcrazy]

That stings a little, even though he knows it wasn't meant unkindly. He's right, their emotions are running hot and there's no way they can discuss this rationally right now... but that doesn't make his feelings any less valid.

He turns his attention back to Face, making sure he's as comfortable as possible as they roll on.

"Where are we going, anyway?"

All he knows is something about a safe house.

[notjustaface]

He's right, they're all on edge, but that doesn't make it any less something they should be talking about sooner rather than later.

"A friend of a friend has a safe house a couple hundred miles out of town. There's no power, but the water is clean and you can see anything coming for miles. There's supplies too, enough to stay a few weeks if we have to."

"A few weeks? For serious you think he's that bad off?" BA cuts in, glancing at their leader and then back where Face fights against the safety straps before returning his attention back to the road.

"I think taking a man on the run who thinks he's still back in Iraq isn't a good idea for anyone. Who knows how bad it'll be for him when he gets his memory back?"

[notthatcrazy]

He's not going to argue with that. Lying low for a while sounds good to him, especially if things are going to get as bad as Hannibal seems to think they are.

There's no reaction from him as they continue to head away from civilization. It's not like him to stay quiet this long, but for the moment, his attention is focused almost entirely on the man in the backseat.

[notjustaface]

"We need a plan," Hannibal says softly some time later; "I won't risk harming him with a quick return to reality."

He'd never say it out loud, but the last thing the team needs is an unhinged Face on their hands. They need him functional, physically and mentally.

"We need to be careful."

[notthatcrazy]

No one needs him functional more than Murdock. He's on the edge as it is. He feels like he should have more insight into the situation, all things considered, but he still feels lost.

"Any ideas, boss?"

There's no hint of confrontation in the question. There's just sadness and exhaustion.

[notjustaface]

"You'll do what's best for him..." Hannibal answers somewhat hesitantly; "I trust you to ease him into things. We'll be gone a couple days procuring... provisions. It'll just be the two of you."