Separation, Anxiety

[notjustaface]

It hadn't been a particularly hard mission, at least not by comparison to some of the stunts they've managed in the last ten years, but there was one fatal point where it could fall apart. Face had approximately sixty seconds to make it from tunnel to the next - a journey that shouldn't take more than forty-five seconds - before enemy's defensive explosion went off leaving him not only trapped but pinned down and unable to escape assuming he survived the event.

An unexpected sniper cut thirty seconds off the time he had. He was four seconds too late... just behind enough the blast didn't take him out - but not out. He was trapped behind the line, and utterly fucked.

"Put her in the air, Captain." Hannibal says softly, staring at the plume of dust and debris for any sign that Face had made it through last second. There was none.

Comments

[notthatcrazy]

He tries to keep his expression as neutral as possible, not wanting to betray his previous knowledge of the ring situation. Damn it, this is going to break his heart all over again.

"Scrambled is right. You, uh... may be missing some memories in there."

There's just no good way to clue someone in to the fact that they've (hopefully not permanently) blanked out the past few years of their life.

[notjustaface]

Face shrugs as best as he can manage; "What's it matter? I mean missions all sort of blur together anyway. I remember what matters."

[notthatcrazy]

He turns away, only to look back with the same neutral expression.

"Yeah, well... Hannibal seems to think you'll remember eventually."

He finishes his snack and tosses the wrapper aside, settling back down.

"You're kinda missing some pretty big stuff, though."

[notjustaface]

"Could you possibly be a little more vague, I'm not getting the full subtlety of you telling me you know something I don't know."

Face frowns and closes his eyes, letting his sore body relax. "If it's such a big deal just tell me."

[notthatcrazy]

"I'm not trying to be vague," he says with a frustrated sigh. "I'm trying not to freak you out by dumping all this on you at once."

But there's no getting around it, this is going to hurt no matter how it happens. He slowly starts talking, trying to hit the high points of what he remembers from that time in their lives onward.

[notjustaface]

There's being freaked out, then there's being told you're someone else now. Someone who's a fugitive and yes, about to marry the love of his life who turns out to not in fact be the woman you remember being everything you ever wanted.

He sits silently even after Murdock stops talking in favor of awkwardly staring at him. Then, pushing as hard as he can, he fights to try and get up out of bed. "Are you, uh, back off your meds again? Because that... is not funny." Even as he's fighting it, he gets the sinking sensation it's true.

[notthatcrazy]

"No it's not. But it's true."

That's basically the reaction he was expecting. The one he was afraid of.

"Hold still. You can be mad at me if you want, but you're not going anywhere."

[notjustaface]

"I'm fine!" He shouts back, managing himself up on unsteady feet. "I just need to get some air."

Which is really just his way of saying he wants to satisfy his instinct to run away by being anywhere else.

[notthatcrazy]

He pulls back slightly. Arguing would only make him more stubbornly insistent to get away and he knows it's a lot to take in.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you. Just... don't hurt yourself."

[notjustaface]

"What, you'd rather just lie to me and go along with it until I remembered? I just... damn it, Murdock..."

He grimaces with each unsteady step - slamming the door behind him with the full force of pain and frustration.

"This is crazy..." he croaks, making it just outside the main door before collapsing on a sun-blistered bench. A sound halfway between a sob and a laugh closes his throat - he's taking it about as well as one would expect.

[notthatcrazy]

He follows after him, keeping an eye on him but trying to give him space.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away."

The defeat and pain in his voice is plain to hear.

[notjustaface]

Of course, he'd follow - Face may have lost a few years but he still knows Murdock well enough to know that he was never good at just letting someone go. Especially not someone he loves.

Someone that loves him.

"I just..." he sighs and shakes his head, closing his eyes to simply let it all settle in. "This is really... really... fucked up."

[notthatcrazy]

"I know."

It wasn't much easier on his end, watching Face wake up with his memories of almost their entire relationship erased. He can only hope he gets them back soon.

"I'm sorry."

He's not even sure what he's apologizing for.

[notjustaface]

His head slumps back, taking all the weight he can off his aching ribs as he tucks his hands into the pockets of the medical gown still clinging to his battered hips to hide the tremor he can't hold back.

"Jesus, stop apologizing. Okay? It's not like you did any of this."

Satisfied the shaking was gone for the moment, one hand reaches out to grab a coffee can full of old cigarette butts and he sends it flying into the night.

"Fuck!"

[notthatcrazy]

It's just on the wrong side of comforting, but he knows what he means. He nods, wrapping his arms around himself. No matter where you are in the world, desert nights are cold.

(He can almost let himself believe it's only the cold that's making him shiver.)

"Want me to leave you alone for a while?"

[notjustaface]

"Yeah." He responds bitterly, opening his eyes and simply staring out at nothing. It won't help, he knows it'd really just make Murdock upset more than anything, and a second later he adds; "No. I'm just... I don't know how to feel right now."

It's even more confusing than being a little mushy brained was.

"A few hours ago I thought you were trying to kill me, or get information out of me, or whatever... now I guess, I don't know anything anymore."

[notthatcrazy]

He silently takes a seat near him on the bench, concentrating on his breathing to try and calm himself.

"I don't know, man, we're all tryin' to figure this out as we go along."

[notjustaface]

He looks down, trying to calm his own mind for a second before asking; "Did she say 'yes'?" It's a hard question to bear, but frivolous enough in the light of everything else on their plate. It's easier than asking if they're still good guys or what they're even doing in the middle of - well, some fucking desert - doing what he's done since he could enlist.

"I mean, I probably fucked something up and I guess it makes sense that somewhere along the line I realized what I needed was what I already had."

[notthatcrazy]

"You didn't fuck up. You asked and she left."

It sounds harsh when he puts it that way. It was harsh, but he wasn't privy to exactly what went down between them.

"You didn't realize... about us until you were in prison."

[notjustaface]

Sounds about right. People are good at leaving. And well... coming to his senses in prison definitely sounds about his speed.

"Jeeze... prison..." He shakes his head, a hint of a laugh in his voice; "I mean, obviously being a child of the system it's pretty much mandatory to do time, right?" He smiles, but it's strained. He's still not used to any of this being reality.

"And we're uh... we're good? I mean, I'm not a total idiot?"

[notthatcrazy]

He rests a hand on his shoulder, ready to move if any of this is too much for him.

"Yeah, we're good. Not gonna say you've never screwed up, but you learn from it and try to make things better."

The two bears waiting for them inside are evidence of that.

[notjustaface]

He nods slowly, closing his eyes against the moonlight swimming in front of him. "Sounds about right."

After another long moment of awkward silence, he says softly; "I'm sorry... about all of this, man. I feel like a dick This is worse than forgetting like... a hundred dates."

[notthatcrazy]

He holds an arm out, giving him space to lean on him if he wants to.

"Hey... none of this is your fault either."

There've been plenty of things in the past that were, and doubtless there'll be more in the future, but he can't take the blame for any of this.

[notjustaface]

Leaning doesn't work so well with the shape his ribs are in, but he slides a shaking hand back out to twine his fingers with Murdock's and then bring it back down in the small space between them.

"What's the plan, you know... if I don't remember?"

[notthatcrazy]

The small comfort of the touch is very much welcomed.

"I don't know... try to build some new memories, I guess."

He's not too worried about the action side of things. Face has always been more than capable when the shit hits the fan. But the more personal stuff... that's where he's just not sure.